Update!!

Ok, so, for those of you who DON'T know, I'm pregnant. Almost 22 weeks, actually. I've gone to the doctor, seen my baby, heard his heartbeat (yes, it's a boy) and my husband and I have picked out a name for him: Ronald Philip Baran. Ronald in honor of my hubby's stepdad of whom he says, "He made me the man I am today." and Philip in honor of my grandpa, to kinda carry on his legacy of love. I've been spending alot more time with my family because it relaxes me, and because I've just got SOOOO many questions; this being my first pregnancy and all. But, all in all, things are looking up for me. Work is going very nicely, I like all my co-workers and as far as I know, they all like me! So... my eyes are burning since I haven't really slept in close to 2 weeks. I'm gonna go try this "sleep" thing again... see if it works. I'm about to give up on it altogether.

6 weeks

Alot has changed the past 6 weeks.. I got married, went on my honeymoon, had my first ever encounter with heartburn (that one I coulda lived without.) I'm still trying to put my house back together. All our suitcases from the wedding weekend, our suitcases from our honeymoon not to mention the daily stuff like dishes and cooking. I'll get the hang of it eventually, right? I just get so overwhelmed!

On the other hand, my brother and I are talking again.. YAY! We had a nice convo last night about his "new" friends... new to me anyway... and school and how much he wants a job. I told him he could have mine, but apparently he doesn't want one THAT badly. I've also taken up knitting again. Don't know why I ever gave it up... one of my favorite things in the world to do.

I found out that my long-time gf, Maria, is hugely pregnant, and right now I'm praying for her and her baby. I haven't talked to her in probably close to 2 years, but I still consider her a dear friend. We've known each other for about 8 years, and the past several of those we've kinda lost track of each other, only to reconnect later. So, here's to reconnections, and being loved. You know you are... just look up.

So here we are....

a month to go till the wedding, no invites, our guestlist still isn't finalized, I don't even have a dress (!!!!) and I'm beginning to wonder if this is going to happen at all. I went over to my mom's earlier this week and we had a crafty day. I made this ginormous tag of all the things that make me ME.... family, music, drama, my kitty and a "happy card." Chris looked at it and said, "My name's not on here as number one??!?" What an eye opener for me... not only was he not number one, he didn't factor into my "me" tag at ALL!

So, I took Joseph out for his birthday about a week ago.. we went to Red Robin per his request and then back to the house to hang. Other than that, not much new... Chris and I are falling into a routine here... I cook, clean up, do the dishes... he does the kitty litter, garbage and organizing. I'm a horrible organizer, so it works. On the days that he's off and I'm working, he'll make me dinner or powerclean the house.

I've got this snippet of a memory running through my head right now; well, actually I've got two of them. One of them is walking through the mall at probably 4 or 5 years old holding my dad's hand and him sinnging "my girl" to me. The other is just my mom's voice singing "you are my sunshine" Not quite sure what to make of the fact that they're both running through my head on a loop right now. anyone have any ideas?

lately

Things have been a little hectic for me lately... between the races at work, JP and Jen moving out and just various other stuff. So, last week I think I got my 4 big glasses of water twice... which is better than I was before. I've stepped up to a 32 oz glass, so all it takes is 2 now. This week, I've already gotten it twice, and going for my third on Sunday. Jon from work's birthday is today, Joseph's birthday is tomorrow, Denise's birthday is Sunday, and John from work (yes, there are two of them, but they spell their names differently) has a birthday on the 17th. What is it with the July birthdays????

We're now down to 2 cats, my Axl and a black kitten that we're getting rid of shortly. The others have all either been given away or moved out with JP and Jen. We walked in from vacation as they were walking OUT... that was kinda strange. So, lately Chris and I have been kinda taking turns making dinner. He does most of the nasty jobs, i.e kitty litter, big bags of garbage; while I do most of the dishes and general upkeep. I don't mind it though, because it's not so overwhelming now. I'm not EXPECTED to do everything anymore, nor am I ASKED to do everything. That's about all I've got time for tonight.. look for another update this coming week.

Mom's B-day

So, today's my mom's birthday. I made it up in time to go to church with the whole family, and we went out to Naperville, and played Golf (card game). Good times, good times... "note the perfectly manicured nails!!" Trooper died yesterday... I'm sad. Work's been work... nothing new there. We spent the last couple days getting stuff ready for the wedding; getting Chris a tux, getting our rings. SHOOT! I forgot to look for my birth certificate!!!!! AARRRGGGHHH! Oh well. Anyway, we've got 4 kittens.. probably about 2 or 3 months old, so anybody that wants kittens let me know. Our landlord is looking to sell the whole block of buildings that he owns, so we might be looking for somewhere new to stay in about 6 months. Other than that, there really isn't anything new going on here, except I'm getting more respect. YAY ME! lol.. I've started putting my foot down more, and I like the new me. My resolution for the week: drink my 4 big glasses of water at least 3 times this week. I'll check back in later and let you know how I did.

going through the motions

*sigh* do you ever get tired of just going through the motions of life? I sure do. Lately, it feels like that's all I've been doing. Fighting with Chris, going to work, coming home to fight some more. I'm so sick of it! We haven't spent any kind of real time together lately, unless you count the first and last five minutes of someone's day as "time together". Tonight we watched School for Scoundrels, and not even 5 minutes after the movie was over, he was out cold. Why am I doing this to myself? What am I hoping to get out of it? Honestly, I don't even know if we're going to get married in August. Here it is June 7, we haven't done any of the planning, don't have invites, don't have ANYTHING. I don't think it's going to happen. I really don't. I was reading my book today, and one chapter was on standing by your family. Family can mean alot of different things... it can be your family of origin, it can be friends. What family boils down to is people you can celebrate life with, the little things as well as the big. Something that may seem small and trivial to most of you, but it's a big thing to me: it's been a week since my last drive off. I'm getting better at my job. I'm getting worse at knowing myself. Who am I, anyway? I feel so numb lately, and I don't know why. Ok, I do know why, but I don't want to admit it.

Appreciate your friends

"it is with gratitude that i get to walk with you toward your vision of excellence, compassionate service and informed hope." Mary Anne Radmacher Lean Forward into Your Life.

"Be the peace you wish to see in the world." Mohandas K. Ghandi

"What if it's true that...the main purpose of my life is that my mistakes should serve as a warning to others?" Mary Anne Radmacher Lean Forward into Your Life

I don't know if I'd like that, but I guess... as long as my life serves a purpose. I hope that's not all it is, though. I hope I have a more important purpose. On the other hand, as long as I can help someone, I'll feel a little bit important.

"If I am dissatisfied with the where of where I stand and the what of what I do, I can either:
a) change the dreams I'm dreaming or
b) love the life I'm living, and live it knowing it is everything I need." Mary Anne Radmacher Lean Forward into Your Life

What dreams am I dreaming? I'm dreaming about a career, school, and my own family someday. I'm not willing to change those dreams for anyone. So, then I love the life I'm living and live it knowing it is everything I need.

Something my mom always told me: Don't be afraid to ask for what I need, and give whatever help I can. I usually try to, but there comes a point when you need to help yourself. Why do I not ask for help? Because I've been shot down alot, and I've just kinda learned to do whatever needs to be done, rather than count on someone else doing it.