So, here it is, almost 4 days after my birthday, and still no calls from more than half my family. How depressing is that??!?? Not only that, but I realized today that I depend on other people to much to make me happy. So... tomorrow morning, I'm calling Silver Cross to see if they have any volunteer programs that involve working with babies or toddlers, I'm gonna start making my own plans with my friends, and I'm going to keep looking for a job, and keep calling about the compass tests until I get a call back.
Doesn't that irritate you when people don't call you back? I know it bugs the living snot out of me. Another thing that bugs me... when my fiance rolls over and falls asleep without even kissing me goodnight! I mean... if I can get up at 5:30 every single morning to kiss him, I think he can pucker up for me! Oy VEY!!
I don't think he even understands the meaning of the word "romantic"... his idea of fun is having a big-word contest... telling me that I'm using them improperly, and that "you don't even know what that word means.." He's one to talk. Mr. Hotshot himself... grr. *sigh* ok... ranting over.
I need to get one of those "no complaints" bracelets I saw on Oprah the other night. I probably wouldn't even last a day! But on the upside, I'm getting started at Curves soon! WOO WOO! Hopefully before the wedding, I'll be in decent shape. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm marrying him... he doesn't respect me, he doesn't value me, and I'm never going to be as important to him as I should be. Not to mention his multiple addictions... alcohol, smoking and possibly porn.... I just can't live like this. I made up a list today of things Chris can do to make me happy, and when I showed it to him, he laughed at it. Yeah... laughed at it. So apparently, he doesn't even want to make me happy. None of it was really anything that would take much effort, either!! Call me for no reason, remember funny things that happened, make me dinner on your days off, take me for a walk around town, really talk to me... not just "What's for dinner, babe?" or "did you get the laundry done today?' but real conversation. Watch a movie out in the living room with me, take me out once in a while, eat dinner with me... normal-people stuff. That's what he laughed at.. that list. I just don't know how to take that.
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This made me cry...
ReplyDeleteCassie, that is the saddest post I have ever seen. You deserve so much better than this. It's so heartbreaking to see what situation you have chosen to live in. By no means should you settle on a life like this. This is the phase in your life when he should be impressing you the most, not treating you like this. No matter what he says, it will only get worse from here. You can change this. I agree with your mom, I totally teared up with this post. I am just really sad for you, and that sums it up.
ReplyDeleteYour words: "Honestly, I don't even know why I'm marrying him... he doesn't respect me, he doesn't value me, and I'm never going to be as important to him as I should be. Not to mention his multiple addictions... alcohol, smoking and possibly porn.... I just can't live like this."
ReplyDeleteUnlike the others, these words don't make me sad; they make me angry. Get out, get out, get out of this bad relationship while the gettin's good!!!! I'm glad that you put off the wedding but you need to end this relationship and find some happiness. You can do so much better! Counseling is not the answer. Finding a better man and place in your life is. You're not trying to save a 25 year old marriage. You are still young and trying to find Mr. Right. He is obviously Mr. Wrong if he doesn't appreciate little requests and sincerely want to make you happy. And where is the respect? He wakes you up at 5:30 every morning? Respect is vital to a good relationship. WHY are you still in this relationship? You have options. Cassie, I love you and want the best for you so don't take my words the wrong way.