dunno

i hate it when i can't sign on..... it really irritates me. so, about a week ago, i had alot on my mind, and i couldn't get on to type it down, and now my keyboard is all screwed up... another one that bugs me; when people wreck stuff and then won't take responsibility. i mean, come on... everyone that comes over here is over 18, most of them have jobs, and there's no reason to be afraid to say 'hey, i spilled pop on your keyboard; i'll get you a new one.'

on the up side, i did get a job, finally. so, if you guys are passing thru elwood and need gas or snacks or somethin, stop at the only gas station in town and chances are i'll be there. i was supposed to go see my grandpa today, but i took some tylenol pm at 2 in the morning, and it made me sleep until 11 am. don't get me wrong, it feels good to be rested, but i missed out on spending time with my dad and brother and seeing my grandpa... not to mention those fabulous cookies my mom told me about.

speaking of my mom, i read some of her back blogs last night, and one in particular made me cry. she was doing this count-down thing, and one of 2 things she desperately wants is for me to come home. the 16th marked 1 year i've been gone... i don't know why i'm having such a hard time with this, maybe because i have nothing to show for it except a dead-end job at a gas station and blank expression. i try not to let my feelings out to much, because nobody here understands. but then i turn into a pressure cooker, and i explode all over someone who doesn't deserve it....

this would be so much easier if i had my FREAKIN medicine... but of course, i don't, and i probably won't for another 4 or 5 months. talk about pissing me off..... grrrr. and all i hear about it is, 'you're handling it so well... i'm so impressed.... i'm proud of you.' i'm NOT handling it well... i'm just hiding it well. but then, hiding doesn't really work. SIGH..... cross your fingers and say your prayers for me, please.