hrm...

So, it's been about 10 days, and I figured time for an update. Saw the doctor on Dad's birthday, and the baby's doing fine. I was 28 weeks, and he measured 29 cm... just a little bigger than normal. Right now I'm just hoping he's not so big I HAVE to have a c-section. That would be miserable... to be trapped up here for 3 weeks.... I'd pull all my hair out!

He's just now getting to the point that you can feel him from outside. Chris felt him roll over for the first time the other night, and after I fell asleep, they stayed up and played "tag" for close to an hour! The pillow fights have begun, and I think we'll either be buying some new, non-flat ones soon, or I'll be out on the couch until Feb. I'll get a couple pillows arranged behind my back and under my belly, and then Chris will steal one from my back, forcing me to start all over again. It's getting old REALLY fast.

It's wierd how I keep running into girls about my age who are also pregnant... first the one girl at Rick's (I still don't know her name, but next time I'll ask her) and now Vanessa Zambrano from St. Johns! I haven't seen her in 5 years, if not longer, and she's about 9 weeks right now. I think it's God's way of telling me that I'm not alone... I was praying for some people I could relate to, and here they are!

Thanksgiving was really nice, I thought. Dawn and Dana pretty much ignored us, but then, that's typical for them. Patrick couldn't get enough of my belly, but I'm glad he got to see it before it disappears (HA!). The bellyrubs have begun, but so far they're all from family and don't bother me. What would really freak me out is if some stranger thought they had the right to rub my belly just because it's there. Spencers has a new maternity section with sayings such as, "Touch the belly, lose a hand" and "I'm fat because I'm pregnant.... what's your excuse?" Unfortunately, they don't make them in my size, so I don't get to be sarcastic.

I'm starting to look forward to Christmas... I guess Chris is off for Orthodox Christmas (Jan 7) so we might be going to church after all. I told him that it really depends on my work schedule. If I'm working the day after, I'm not going. I can't be up all night, sleep for 2 hours, and still be functional the next day.... I just don't work that way.

It's funny how people don't listen, even when they specifically ask you something. Dad asked me when we went out for "drinks" what I need from him now, as my dad. I told him the one thing I need now is to know that he doesn't want the family to fall apart... I need to know that the family matters to him. He said then that it does, but he's not putting his money where his mouth is. I just don't get how he can NOT see what a difference it makes when he actually does his work. It befuddles me, it really does.

I realized that it's not Grandpa I have a problem with, it's Grandma, so we're sticking with Philip as a middle name. I also found a daily Bible study that I've been keeping up with for 3 days now. I know it's going to get harder after the baby's born, but that's why I'm making it a habit NOW.
Speaking of habits... I was thinking about it today, and I haven't smoked at all in the past 6 months, haven't done any drugs since April, and haven't had a drink since before that! I know, I never should've done any of that in the first place, but I'm celebrating my victory anyway.

Now that I know how hard it is to quit smoking, I have alot more respect for AT. Before, I used to wonder why she couldn't just quit already. It's not that easy. I quit pretty much cold turkey as soon as I found out about the baby, and it was really hard for the first couple weeks. I would be walking to work, NOT smoking my first cigarette of the day, and boy-oh-boy did I want one! It helped to know that I didn't have any left, and for a while I had to leave my bank card and my cash at home so I wouldn't buy any more. Now, though, I can go for a couple weeks without even wanting a cigarette. So, I give AT huge props for making a real effort!!

Ugh... there goes my "break". Time to go finish cleaning the house... or at least some of it.

Haywire...

Emotions are going haywire again, and I hate them. I cried for a good 5 minutes about nothing, and decided to get up and write instead of laying there crying some more. I don't understand how anyone could consider this the "best time" of their life.... I really don't. They must all have really crappy lives, then is the only thing I can think whenever I hear that. "Oh, I loved my pregnancy so much... it was so wonderful!" Compared to what?? I personally hate it. I can't stand the fact that any little thing makes me cry, I hate the fact that no food appeals to me and I don't like the fact that my stomach is starting to get in my way!! But enough about me.... the world doesn't revolve around me.

I was reading the paper this morning, and was reminded of that couple who had four kids... a baby, an 18 month old, I think a 3 year old and a 5 yo.... and the kids were found in piles of their own crap, basically. I just can't understand how ANYone could subject another person to living like that... especially a baby!! And then the dad tried to say that his job was SOOOO stressful that he HAD to do drugs, and he'd been punished enough by having his face plastered all over tvs and newspapers. WHAT??!? I hope that mom gets her kids back. I think she's really, truely sorry for what she did, and I don't think she'll let anything like that happen again.

They're still looking for that Stacy Peterson girl... the 23 yo. Bolingbrook cop's wife...There haven't been any new developments, no leads, no nothing. I personally think he did it. Just like Lisa Stebic, who's been gone for I think about 6 months now. They call in all these psychics who say "Oh, she's under a tree, and there's lots of water and..." I don't believe any of it. I don't think they can really "see" her, or "feel" her anymore than the rest of us can. Here's hoping that something turns up soon!

On top of all that, there's a story in there about the village, and how they don't post their board meeting minutes on the website... ya think?? We've been trying to get to a village meeting for 2 months, and I'm at least going to this one. Something needs to be done about the parking situation here. Either Watson's needs to build a parking lot out back, or the landlord needs to do something. He's got a 3 car lot on the corner for 9 units... by no stretch of the imagination is that enough! Not only that, but I'm not walking all the way around the corner just to unload groceries or laundry!! I asked a couple of the cops what would hypothetically happen if I personally put signs up saing "tenant parking only", and they said that since it hadn't been done by the village, they couldn't enforce it. So, it's looking like we're screwed either way on this one. *sigh* I hate podunk towns. I really do.

the so-called "joys" of pregnancy

Been up since 4:30 this morning, can't get comfortable no matter what I do, can't fall asleep and I'm EXHAUSTED! No tylenol PM to be had for love or money in this stupid town after 9 pm... current time is 11:14 pm. I've been trying to fall asleep since about 8... 3 hours of miserable nothingness.

I'm losing my mind slowly, and I'm not going to get it back anytime soon. Not to mention that I still feel like crap. Don't know what it was/is, but I've been drinking alot more fluid which isn't really doing anything either way. Bland food isn't really making a difference either. I'm about ready to give up. Everyone says "oh, enjoy it while you can!" IT'S NOT ENJOYABLE ANYMORE!!! going on 21 hours with no sleep, little food (everything makes me feel sick) and 2 bottles of gatorade. Yeah... not doing this again anytime soon.

Ugh...

Dontcha just hate days where you wake up in the morning and know it's not going to be a good day? It makes me want to go back to bed and not come out until like... 530 tonight. Wake up feeling sick, STILL feeling a little sick 2 hours later, and just hoping it's nothing serious. Probably just something I ate a couple days ago... if it's not better by tonight, I'm going to the doc.

But I'm glad Dad finally clicked it. We were praying for you guys the other night, and I remember saying, "God, they promised each other forever, and 22 years isn't forever!" I felt like a 3 year old... "but you PROMISED!!" Remember that "letter from God" prayer thing you told me about a few years ago? I haven't done that for a while, but I did it the other night, and one of the things God showed me is that I've been shutting Him out alot lately... just like Dad. And that I need to take the first step, regardless of how scary it is. How does it go... Faith is stepping off the edge of everything you've ever known, into the darkness, knowing that there will be a ledge to stand on or you will be taught to fly? I need to do that... step out in faith, and let God catch me. I've realized that these past couple nights as Chris and I make a point of praying together.

He surprised me, and made me ashamed of myself the other day. He asked me how come I never pray anymore, why don't I read my Bible or anything anymore? He said, "That was one of the first things I liked about you, that you prayed out loud. You don't do that anymore." ZING... score one for God, through Chris. So then of course, what do I do? Stay up until 2 am reading my Bible, going over some old studies. I need to find a new one... and not a once a week one either, b/c I'll forget or procrastinate, or just not do it. Off to look for one right now!

Oy....

I'm tired. I know, it's part of being a mom/wife/good friend, but still... I'm tired. After going to the hospital around noon or 1 yesterday (hadn't eaten since 8am), they told me I couldn't eat!!! How are you going to tell a pregnant woman she can't eat??!??!?? So, I've been making up for lost time today, but it's all healthy stuff. A pear, a salad, a slice of coffee cake, and I"m about to go get my marshmallow fix. I said it's been, not it all will be!!!

Still working on the blanket, and dealing with Lil Man's schedule. He likes to try and keep me up at night, but lately I've been so tired that it just doesn't matter. I've just been watching the bump get bigger, and finding things to laugh at in life. He can hear me laughing, singing, talking to him. He may not be able to make out words yet, but he knows my voice. How cool is that?! It was fun listening to him kick at the monitor yesterday, like he wanted it off or something.

The next few hours are going to be very low key, since I'm supposed to work tomorrow. Already looking forward to thursday!!! Chinese - yum!